Dating Anniversary Revelations

Three years ago, on the October 25th Tim and I started dating. I just realized this yesterday.... and then I had a mental meltdown. This life is so different from three years ago. Who is this housewife? What happened to the young, energized, adventurous Candi? Is that what happens when you get married, you get old?
I'm 22! That's crazy young, and right now I'm cleaning the living room, washing dishes, and washing the clothes all while watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". I might as well put on a apron and some pearls and call it a day!

As you know, I'm only joking. Really my mental meltdown wasn't because I'm old. In all seriousness I was being a grouch because I was the one cleaning the house and not Tim. And to top that off I couldn't find anything to wear. (I know, somebody call the waaaabulance)
Whats sad is that I took it off on Tim. I called to yell at him periodically during the day, like a good wife would do. You know those arguments that he can never win. *sigh* My favorite kind.

Go figure that my devotion would be on taming your tongue. After much refusal to admit my wrong, I finally called Tim to apologize. I think that's one of my hardest lessons. I always speak whatever comes to my mind. But one day I'm going to be held accountable for all those things I've said. Ever since yesterday I've been constantly quoting Psalm 19:14 in hope that the Lord will show me when to speak, and when to be quiet.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord." Psalm 19:14

Rainy Days

I must be a romantic. I love to read, paint, write, bake, and snuggle on rainy days. Its so relaxing to the soul. I also like to reflect on my life. And I just want to say...sorry whoever is reading this because I have the best life anyone could ask for!

My parents are amazing. I am going to miss them so much when they leave. You would think I wouldn't be able to stand them after living with them the past several months. Truth is, I love being at this stage. Because my parents are like friends and mentors. I feel like I finally respect who they are (of course there are the occational arguments) but I finally get to know them as people and not just parents. They are really fun and lively people, you'd think they were 20 all over again! Its going to be really hard not having them here for four years. Thank the Lord for technology!

I also love to think of my husband. Last night he looked at me and basically told me that he was proud of who I am. Satan began attacking our marriage through our dreams. Putting temptations that don't belong in our hearts. Tim and I come together as a team and fight with prayer every night before we sleep. I love having a husband who not only cares about me, but my dreams! We have not had a "nightmare" since. Isn't the Lord amazing? I am at awe that when I ask to be rescued the Lord answers my call! What is a marriage without Jesus?!!? How can it survive?!!?

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Search me and Know me

One of the good things about having so much down time, is that you have plenty of time to read. I love reading. Especially on a day like today. Rainy, chilly, snuggled up in a blanket, with a cup of hot chocolate!

I've been reading a devotional book. It speaks very simply, but it speaks allot of truth. The book shows you how to uncover your sins. I've been praying and letting God search my heart. The thing is, is that I've noticed so much sin. I never realized it was so big. Its in everything I do. So what do I do with this knowledge?!?! Now that I know what my sins are, I see them everywhere. I sin more now, then I did before I knew. I know this isn't true. Its just that I'm recognizing the sins I've been doing all along.

I heard this great quote.
"For every time you think of yourself, think three times of Christ"

The more I look into myself and my own flaws, I forget what Christ came for. Once I start thinking about the price He paid for me, then I realize what a sinner He came to save. I have to stop thinking about my failure, and start looking towards the love of Christ.

Wave of Emotions

Girls have so many emotions. I mean after being married to Tim, I realize that guys have more emotions than I thought they did. But no where NEAR the same intensity that I feel them.

I'm sitting here in Moncks Corner crying. Many things lead up to this sudden outbreak of tears, none of which relate to one another.

1. Tim and I got into a horrible car accident Sunday night. Every ones fine besides being a little sore. It was like a scene straight off of COPS. I thought for sure I was going to be seriously injured. But the thing that haunts me the most is when the cop handcuffed the man and placed him into his car. His little 12-13 year old girl was crying and screaming "Where are you going daddy?" Her mother had just died 6 weeks prior.
Wow could you feel any worse than that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? What happened to her? How many children are out there whose daddy's and mommy's are going to be taken away? I can't get this image out of my head.

2. I'm alone. My dad just walked out the door a few moments ago to go speak at another church. I felt this fog of quietness fall on the house. And suddenly I am by myself. With no way out. I'm stuck. I don't have a car (see #1) and I live way too far from anyone or anything. I hate this feeling.
Wasn't marriage supposed to stop all feelings of loneliness. HA, if anything I think it made it worse. Now I know what true connection is, so when you're apart its like you are being ripped in two.

3. I was looking at pictures of Nicaragua and some old friends. That life is over. Poof no more childhood. Not even a trace of what could have been my childhood. I can't go back and visit my old house, sleep on my own bed, play with my own dogs. Nothing, its all gone.

WHO AM I??!?!? My dad and I were talking about gifts the other day. I pointed out what I thought were my spiritual gifts, and he pointed out that I really don't know what they are. Great...then what am I? what is my purpose?

I can't wait for this step in life to be over. I want to find what God has for me, and do it. I don't like wasting time...sitting in a big lonely house. I want to be apart of the world. How can I do this when I am so afraid of this world?? I know things happen for a reason. People get thrown in jail, car accidents happen, people move, and life changes. It sure seems like I have enough "happenings" in my life for 10 people.

Goodbyes

I thought I was over with goodbyes, isn't that why I came to America?

Actually I always knew deep down that I would never be over with goodbyes. First of all, its embedded in my life. There is no escaping it. Second of all, I'm choosing a lifestyle FULL of goodbyes. Third of all, this means a good amount of my friends will be choosing the same lifestyle.

Its funny, Tim never really had to say goodbye. I'm sure this is hitting him like a ton of bricks. He better get used to it!

I hated (and I mean HATED) goodbyes growing up. I felt trapped in a room of forever goodbyes. Mom and dad choose the lifestyle, not me. Why did I have to take part in the ritual? I guess as a pre-teen everything seems exagerated. There was even a time in my life when I refused to make friends, just because I already knew we would leave them. (sucky life, I know!) I eventually grew up. I realized that I would have the most boring life sitting alone in my room.
I also realized that I wanted life full of goodbyes. New and more adventures.

Now I find myself lucky. I've experienced so much. I have friends all over the world. You know what, I wouldn't give up goodbyes for anything. With every goodbye, theres another hello.

Things I Love!

Here is a list of the things that make my heart happy during the summertime.

1. Cupcakes. Tiny little precious cakes, and so yummy!

2. Puppies. Not sure what this has to do with summer, but who doesn't like puppies year round!

3. Fresh Flowers. Preferably bright colors!

4. Summer dresses. mmm sunshine!

5. Swimming. Really, anything to do with water.

Summertime and the livin is easy!!!

Growing up

How can you really be the best you can be? Every time you think you've made it...someone comes along to show you how much you really haven't.

I guess I'll never be the wife I want to be. I mean, I have some good qualities. I'm encouraging, loving, adventurous, and of course super funny. HA. But I'm definitely not the servant I wish to be. My wonderful father decided to point this out to me. Twice.

I must have a princess persona. Tim was born a servant. It comes so naturally to him. Growing up my family always called me "Queen of the Universe" because it always had to be my way. I guess I carried that over into marriage. I thought I grew out of it, and maybe in some ways I have. I'm definitely not the same person I was when I was young. But to hear my dad say something like that again, made my heart stop for a second.
Am I not helping enough?
Should I do more?
Will Tim get tired of me?
Am I a good wife?

I hate being looked at the same way I was back then. I sure hope I've grown since then. I'm trying my hardest to be the best wife I can be. I know my dad says things he doesn't mean, but for some reason it always gets to me. Maybe its hard for parents to see you as anything different than what you were when you were young.

I guess the only person who really matters is my husband. No matter what, I should always strive to be a better person than the day before. You shouldn't ignore the things people say about you, sometimes they might be true. You can learn and grow from it.

Mars and Venus

You've heard it said, guys and girls are different. Well duh. But it is so true. Down to every little detail. I could probably make a 30 page list of all the differences between Tim and I. Of course, isn't that what makes a great marriage? Who wants to live with themselves, how incredibly boring!

Example: In the area of love. I need constant surprises. Not big things, but you know...those little moments that you know he loves you because he did something extraordinary. Like when he washes the dishes randomly. Or stares at you in the morning after getting dressed and says "Wow you look so pretty." Random flowers for no reason, a surprise kiss.

Its hard to explain this to him. Its not that I like one specific gesture, its that I like all of them when done unexpectedly. Men are so much more easy to please. If Tim and I went to dinner and a movie every night, he would be so in love. Haha. Hes content just being with me.

This probably comes from our backgrounds as well. My family lives for adventure. We never stop moving, exploring, and meeting new people. Tim's family are the all around American family. They all live right next to each other, and have get togethers with huge cookouts. I love both of our families, and I hope we have a little of each in us. (who can pass up a good cookout??)

A lady from work today was talking about her upcoming anniversary. 40 years. She was so excited when talking about her husband. She gave me advise on love and marriage. I was contemplating all this today. Its funny how much you learn about a person the more you are with them. I'm still learning about him, and hes learning about me. I wonder how long we will be learning? 40 years? I hope so :-)

Theres Only One Word for This

I love that chocolate commercial. The song is too cute.

To my husband:
You are my prince charming. I always feel safe when I'm in your arms and you have always treated me like a princess. I have felt more beautiful in this last year, than I have in my entire life. You are everything a girl ever would want in a husband, and I can't believe that I am the girl you chose. You are responsible, handsome, strong, Godly, creative, romantic, funny, caring, and you have the biggest servants heart I have ever seen. What more could I have asked for?? This past year was the most exciting, adventurous and romantic times of my life! People always say the first year is the hardest. Baby, if that was the hardest, we got it made!!!
Happy Anniversary Darling.


Theres only one word for this........its bliss. :-)

Candi's blog

I decided to make my own blog. I wanted a girlie one. Tim will probably get jealous and wanna make his own blog, haha. I write more than he does anyway.

I am currently at work. Usually the phone rings off the hook or I have a million things to get done, but right now I'm just sitting. Waiting for someone to call.

So I've been reading this other lady's blog. Its about love, dating, and all that jazz...only she has a a rare disablity disease. Its incredibly sad, but very insightful. I can't help but think, all girls have felt this way at one point. Like we have some sort of a disease that scares away men.
(Ok obviously I'm married, but I wasn't always married. I do speak with experience. Not to mention, I am really young, and most of my friends are still single.)

Seriously though girls, haven't you thought...
"I'm not pretty enough."
"I'm not fun enough."
"If only I could...(fill in the blank)"

Although I love the way this woman writes, I feel like she thinks shes the only one out there. No one else is having these dating problems, and no one else feels these insecurities.

Its funny, I've never been one of those "boy crazy girls". Actually the other day, my best friend and I went to see the Proposal. We ran into some 15 year old girls from my friends church. They were giggling and sneaking around to see these 15 year old boys out in the parking lot. I think those girls may have watched thirty minutes of the movie.
When we got in the car, my friend and I began talking about when we were 15. (seven to eight years ago! AHH!) I remember all my friends being that way. I would follow along, but I always thought it was so silly. I was always a one guy kind of girl. I didn't even have my first real boyfriend until my senior year of highschool.

All that being said, its sad the amount of time we are thinking about finding the one. Contemplating how and when it might happen. Making sure you look the right way, you act the right way. Oh you know, that way your suppose to act to get a guy. *sarcasm*

Yes, acting a certain way and looking a certain way, can defintely get you a guy. The guy you want? um not really. If you don't put on an act at all, then you are showing yourself. Whoever likes who you really are, is the guy who is gonna stick around.

I know this doesn't happen the same for everyone. But it happened to me that way. I was loving being single. I was loving life.
Then, he found me.

It seemed reverse. He was the one trying to get my attention. He did. I started thinking, this isn't reverse at all. This is right. I feel beautiful and adored by this man. He was searching for me, and I loved every bit of it. (and still do!)

That is how God loves us. He pursues us and He loves us.

I know its hard. I've been there. I wasn't always loving single life, I still had dreams of love and the future. We need to stop trying to make it happen, and know that one day....its gonna happen. And its gonna be amazing.